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check-in 2012

 hey LJ, it's been awhile.

it's been over a year since i've last posted, and o what a year it's been. both for myself, and for LJ as well, apparently. i hope all the ddos attacks bs is finally over and done with.

as for myself, well... it's been a rough 2011. rougher still than the previous couples of years, which weren't that great to begin with. things have been progressively harder, and to be honest i've just been laying low and waiting for the storm to blow on over. i'm not sure if it's done, but i think it is, for now. in the meantime, i'm still reeling from the aftermath. it will be awhile before i think i'll be anywhere close to recovered. my finances and in shambles, and i'm having to re-build my life. insert desperate plea for assistance here, yadda yadda, etc. etc. etc.

anyways... part of the reason i haven't been posting (besides the whole laying low thing) is that i really don't like the tone that this journal has been taking. it's getting to the point where all i do is whine on here, and that's not what i want to do or how i want to come across. momma always said that if you don't have nothing good to say, don't say it. and so i haven't been saying anything. not on here, nor on facebook. i've been quiet for over a year, and i think it's about time i break the silence and get back into the swing of things. only... i'm not sure how to do it anymore.

it's been forever since i've been posting anywhere close to regularly. and my life has been anywhere near regular since the middle of 2011. i've grown far less enthused about facebook than i have been before - they really rubbed me the wrong way when they decided to aggregate my friends' feeds for me. i'm not a fan of other people telling me what i do and don't like, and selecting what posts/updates to show up for me. how about you show me EVERYTHING my friends post, and I'll decide what to pay attention to, and what to skim the surface of. y'know... like it used to be. before you started deciding that some posts weren't important enough to show me, and subsequently didn't. schmucks.

as for right here on LJ... it's not been the same since facebook really took off, either. there's only a handful of you still logging on here, and even less are still posting anything. and, honestly - this is the first time i've logged on here in months, as well. i've gone most of the last year and a a half without really popping on here, and it's brought me to the conclusion that LJ has become something that i can live without. so... where do i go from here? do i "retire" this blog, and move on to something else? i haven't quite decided yet.

in the meantime, this is me just thinking aloud, so feel free to chime in with your thoughts and comments (all 3 of you lol) - given my sentiments from a couple of paragraphs up, i don't see myself going back to being fully active on facebook anymore. i'd hop on twitter, but i doubt that micro-announcements are quite the thing for me... at least, not in a personal blog - type capacity. and i love tumblr, but it seems to me like the way that works is far better suited to an aggregated, themed blog for re-sharing stuff more than a personal one. also, the way tumblr posts gets re-shared... is a scary thing, to me. it's definitely a deterrent to me putting up personal thoughts on there.

the one thing that i have become somewhat active on is google+. and while i'm totally loving the hangouts and meeting new people, i'm not sure if that's the medium i want to be using for the more personal stuff... i dunno. i'll decide on something eventually, but there's no rush in getting that sorted out in my head. if any of you reading this somehow are interested in getting more frequent updates from me (gasp!), then hop on over and add me on google+.

and, on a final note - pics. i got some for ya, and it's a bonus for all you still soldiering on here on LJ. i doubt i'll be posting/linking to these pics anywhere else (well, except for flickr, where they're hosted...) so enjoy the exclusivity and feel extra special today!  :D

not gonna put them up behind a cut, so just a link for today. be aware, though, that you probably don't want to open these in public / at work, as these are NSFW (probably).

and that's it for now. i may be back, or i may not. and even if i do post back here, who knows when that'll be... all i have decided is that if i do decide to retire this blog, i'll put in one final post letting you know it's officially over. so, in the meantime... if there isn't another post after this for awhile, rest assured - there will be. peace out.

doing better, despite it all

melancholy attack...

i thought i was doing better... but it didn't take much to get me right back into it. a more detailed post to come.

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maroon 5 - better that we break

 i never knew perfection 'til
i heard you speak and now it kills me
just to hear you say the simple things

now waking up is hard to do
sleeping's impossible too
everything's reminding me of you
what can i do?

it's not right, not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way

i'm not fine, i'm in pain
it's harder every day
maybe we're better off this way
it's better that we break

a fool to let you slip away
i chase you just to hear you say
you're scared and that you think that i'm insane

the city looks so nice from here
pity i can't see it clearly
while you're standing there it disappears
it disappears

it's not right, not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way

i'm not fine, i'm in pain
it's harder every day
maybe we're better off this way
it's better that we break

saw you sitting all alone
you're fragile and you're cold
but that's alright
life these days is getting rough
it knocks you down and beats you up
but it's just a rollercoaster anyway

it's not right, not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way

i'm not fine, i'm in pain
it's harder every day
maybe we're better off this way

i'm not fine, not okay
say the words that you say
maybe we're better off this way

i'm not fine, i'm in pain
it's harder every day
maybe we're better off this way
it's better that we break, baby

(to listen, click here)

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another couple of months have gone by... the days are getting warmer, the insects are starting to buzz around again, and the wind no longer blows cool. yup, summer is definitely getting here fast.

possibly NSFW? o what could the surprise be...Collapse )
peace.

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lady antebellum - need you now

For those of you who may be overseas and haven't heard this yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB7T3lJ3dZ4&hd=1


Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time
 
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
 
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time 
 
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
 
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all...
 
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now
 
oh baby i need you now

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excerpt from a real conversation...

me:  now why on earth would you do that?
john:  because i'm a douche.
me:  nah... your brother, now HE'S a douche. you, you're just an asshole.
john:  yeah, that's true.... lol.

:D

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questions...?

if this were a long post, would you read every word, or just skim the contents?

do you really want to read what's under this cut?Collapse )

should i end my post here?

... drama queen, apparently.

so... it's once again been just about 3 months since my last post. normally, i'd be apologizing about the long spell of silence, but i'm gonna pass on that this time around - it's been somewhat intentional. in the meantime, i've managed to rack up several things to blog about... i'm just not sure where to start.

first of all, if this is your first time reading my blog - welcome. i'll be redirecting quite a few of you new friends over here via facebook, so i guess i need to put up a few warnings/apologies/disclaimers... this blog is definitely a far more personal space than my facebook wall is. it's not going to be updated as often, but it'll definitely feature "meatier" content when it comes to yours truly. also, i will be a lot more whiny on here. if you think i'm whiny in person, then this might not be your cup of tea. it's, like, exponentially more whining on here. just sayin'.

i would also like to start by apologize to myself... it's no big secret that 2009 was a rough year for me, and i really, REALLY wanted to start off 2010 on a positive note. and here i am, once again having to use this space to vent. o well.

warning: EPIC WHINEFESTCollapse )

the good stuffCollapse )

and finally, as a part of the new-and-improved-me-2010-initiative: i figure i will, also for the first time ever, participate in the March meme that is the "Question/Secret/Ask-Me-Anything Month"... so ask away... all comments/questions will be screened.

20091216 - dinner

(x-posted to my facebook wall)

just because i like what i cooked up.


pan-seared pork loin with spicy citrus/soy glaze and tempura flakes over a bed of steamed rice.


comments welcome. (subtle whoring.)

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